An Online Soap Opera
Episode 1226: Panic“That’s a relief,” Xavier blurted out. “I’m glad you still feel like you can talk to us, Tans. I was worried that you were going to keep it all in and make yourself sick about it, like I’ve done plenty of times.”“You’re getting better and better with that,” Lucy said, gently patting his hand, then leaving hers there, on his. “I’m also glad neither of you seem that mad at me for kind of arranging this dinner under false pretenses,” he said. “I won’t do anything like this again. I promise I’ll be upfront next time I’m worried. It’s just things didn’t seem right with you and it wasn’t just me thinking that, you’re parents saw it, too, so I felt like I had to do something. I knew you would have done something for me.” “I didn’t mean to stress you guys out or anything,” Tansy said. “I don’t feel great about some things right now but it’s not like I have it worse than anybody.” “Just because whatever you’re experiencing doesn’t seem like it stacks up to what someone else is faced with, it doesn’t mean that their problems invalidate what you’re feeling. And that is as close to being a therapist as I intend to get right now,” Lucy said. “This is just a conversation between friends, share as much or as little as you like, we don’t need to dissect anything if you don’t want to, if all you’re looking for is to get stuff off chest then that’s all we’ll do. Sometimes putting it out there is enough to see a situation with fresh eyes and feel a little better about it.” Tansy nodded. “There’s a thing at work and another thing at school.” “And what about between those things?” Lucy asked. “Are you doing anything that brings you happiness? Cheers you up? Even if it’s something small like listening to a favorite song.” “I try, but I just never seem to have enough time for anything like that or even spending time with you guys and my family. I still love volunteering more than anything, but lately I’ve even felt guilty doing that when I’m thinking I need to focus more on school. School’s been a lot more than I expected.” “College can be overwhelming at first,” Lucy said. “That means it won’t always feel overwhelming? I’m not so sure,” Tansy said. “My professors never seem satisfied with my work. It’s like they always think I should have done more while I don’t know what more I could do. I thought I was smart before, but now… I studied with Enid and Theresa the other day, a group thing online, and I’d look at them on the screens and they didn’t seem to be sweating anything, same with what I see around me in class, almost everybody getting it, like they know exactly what they’re supposed to do while I’m just… lost. Every time I think I’ve finally turned in something where a professor will finally recognize how much time I put in, that they’ll see that I understand the material, they just wind up telling me I fell short again. I’m passing but I feel like I’m failing. I’m supposed to be learning, I’m supposed to be making the most of the hard earned money my parents are spending on college. I had plans to turn this education into an impressive future, but more and more I’m wondering if I can achieve even a fraction of what I hoped to, and it’s just, it’s filled me with this panic that I can never shake for very long.”
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