Episode 1186: I Wish I Were“You didn’t need to walk me home. I’m not even that far from the park,” Lucy said as they strolled along the mostly empty sidewalk towards her house. “You should have stayed, enjoyed the creek some more, taken in the sunset at least had some semblance of the night you were supposed to have.”
“I’d rather see that you got home safe,” Xavier said.
“That’s the kind of guy you are.” She stopped at the driveway and turned to Xavier. “And that chivalry just makes me feel worse for letting you down like this, but what’s the point of a date when I’m too distracted to be good company. I really am sorry. I was looking forward to tonight. I have been a little worried about stepping beyond friendship since I don’t want to endanger that but at the same time I was excited that maybe this could turn into… So please don’t think I wanted to duck out of this. It’s just that I had something dropped on me and my headspace now isn’t exactly fit for a date, and I feel terrible about bailing like this.”
“I can’t do this,” Xavier said. “I can’t let you feel bad about backing out on our date when I’m not sure I should have made the date in the first place.”
“Gee, thanks, that makes me feel so much better.”
“No, I did want this, I spent the last few days looking forward to tonight. But not long before I came to meet you, I was hit with something of a bombshell, too, and I don’t want to add to all that you’re feeling right now but it doesn’t seem okay to not be honest about what’s going on with me. So do you want to hear it now or should I just leave it alone until you’re in a better place?”
“Our date was supposed to be a bright spot for me, if that’s not the case, I think I’d rather just here about it now, have both shoes dropped on me simultaneously rather than be hit with another one in a couple days. So what is it? What’s going on with you? Why were you looking forward to our date one minute now suddenly you think you shouldn’t have asked me out?”
Xavier looked up at the sky for a moment then back to Lucy. “I told you I was ready to move on from Ava. I sincerely believed that, but this afternoon I got some news and my reaction to it threw me, it has me thinking that I probably still am more in love with her than I should be if I’m going to date someone else.”