Season 1 Quotes


  • Jenny greeting Chandler: "As usual you smell like jet fuel and Old Spice"

  • Jenny to Billy: "Problem is, when ever we go to that boat we never get around to dinner or boating"

  • Laurie to Billy: "I know something about you nobody else knows"

  • Jenny: "Oh don't tell me... Billy's sister"
    Monica: "No, actually I'm his wife!"

  • Gwen on Richardís bride-to-be: "Truthfully, Iím still getting use to the idea, sheís um... much younger"

  • Richard to Chandler: "DonĎt laugh at me but, uh, we havenĎt even slept together yet. WeĎre waiting till after the wedding"

  • Heather: "My life began the day I met Richard"

  • Richard on not signing the pre-nup: "Our marriage certificate is the only document weíll need"

  • Peter on Richardís love for Heather & how he canít see her real motive for marriage: "Rendering him blind and stupid"

  • Richard: "Man Iím glad every week isnít like this one."
    Gwen: "This one should have an interesting finish though, arenít you getting married tomorrow?"

  • Richard upon inviting ex-wife Gwen to his wedding: "Iíve never debuted a plane without you, letís keep the tradition going with marriages"

  • Heather to Richard: "Don't, my makeup" (he put his hand on her face to comfort her)

  • Heather while being walked down the isle by her soon-to be son-in law: "Congratulations to you too Chandler. Iím pregnant and itís your child"

  • Peter to Chandler: "I hope you didnít hit to many civilian targets while you were over there in Kosovo"

  • Peter on how Heather should react to meeting Chandler for the 'first' time: "Bow, the prodigal son has returned"

  • Samantha upon reuniting with Chandler: "The new & improved Samantha Sanchez"

  • Peter to Samantha: "You do realize Chandler will never see you as anything other than a love sick tomboy"

  • Peter after a naked Heather invited him for a swim: "No thanks; I donít swim with sharks"

  • Peter on Chandlerís new job: "As for Chandler, Iíll make a prediction. Heíll either quit, fail or rebel"

  • Scott on plane designing: "Try to remember itís all in the aerodynamics, the rest are just bells & whistles"

  • Scott to Chandler: "Your brother may be a financial genius, but uh, ten minutes with the guy I get a rash."

  • Dysfunction Junction

  • Gwen: "Ex-wives are not the most popular wedding guests."

  • Jack on Gwen attending the reception: "Chin high never say die, the old Williams motto"

  • Jack on seeing Heather: "Well, lovely girl. When did she get out of high school? Last Week?"

  • Jenny: "You never know she might have good... instincts"
    Peter: "Between the sheets maybe but not in the boardroom."

  • Heather on not telling Richard the truth: "This isnít only about Richardís happiness. It would kill him... if he found out this baby was anybody else's but his"

  • Peter to Heather: "The thing about brothers as close in age as Chandler and I... we demand equal time other wise one of us gets jealous"

  • Gwen to Jack: "I was so sad when you went to Europe, I lost my best friend"

  • Peter to Chandler on Richard & Heatherís wedding night: "That girl must have given him quite a workout last night"

  • Laurie to David: "The nameís Laurie Williams and as for numbers, Iíve already got yours"

  • Samantha to Peter after he offered her a promotion: "Do the words sexual and harassment mean anything to you"

  • Laurie on Peter going against RichardĎs wishes: "... a long desired coo attempt by a power hungry heir"

  • Jenny: "Iíve got to say I, uh, love your accent. Now with every Australian IĎve met itĎs party, party, party!"
    David: "When we work, we work hard. When we play we play hard."
    Jenny: "My problem is I mostly play."

  • Peter on making a donation to a charity: "Perhaps itís the fragrance from all these roses or just the Chanel, but Iím intoxicated with generosity"

  • David on Jenny: "Sheís a terrific kid, nice energy"

  • Guess Who's Chumming for Dinner?

  • Heather: "Come on Peter... thatís not happiness to see me"

  • Heather sarcastically replying to a reporter: "Iím a woman; last I heard we weren't qualified to run anything"

  • Heather on Dress2k: "Weíre not just going to kick some ass; weíre going to show a little"

  • Peter: "Great snow job. 3.5 for co artistry, 0 for credibility"
    Heather: "Sure those arenít your S.A.T. scores?"

  • Heather: "A threat, Peter Iím shocked! I thought weíd be working together... for the family."

  • Heather: "Peter, Iím sure your right and Iíd love to stay and talk about it but then Iíd be late for my nail appointment"

  • Howard, Family Services: "You didnít mention the kidís rap sheet. Vandalism, the anger issue..."

  • Peter on Heather: "That woman has about as much business sense as an iguana."

  • Richard to Chandler: "I donít think you understand big business lieutenant. Itís about cunning. Whoís left standing at the end of the day and the prize is not money. The prize is power. The power to bend anotherís will to execute yours. Then and only then do you receive the dubious distinction of being called an honorable man."

  • Richard to Chandler: "I canít afford anymore weak links on my team."

  • Ethan to Gwen: "Lady, you live in a trillion dollar house, how would you know what itís like to be hurt?"

  • Scott: "Do you have any idea how many guys at Global, including me, have tried to hit on Samantha since she graduated Brown?"

  • Peter: "Why would I join forces with my darling stepmother?"
    Heather: "Daddyís approval maybe? More power, my undying friendship?"

  • Peter to Heather: "Why donít you strut your perky little bottom back to daddy and leave me alone."

  • Laurie on Ethan: "Iím telling you the kid is trouble. Iím getting a weird vibe. I even stopped leaving my jewelry out."

  • Jenny on Ethan: "Heís also a teenager, hormonally, heís about to enter the twilight zone."

  • Samantha to Chandler: "Remember our first kiss... raining like mad... soaked to the bone? Not a day goes by I donít think about that kiss."

  • Heather: ""No not Chandler, really? Samantha how tasty. I mean you know heís not my type or anything but I definitely see how someone would be interested in taking a slice of that beefcake."

  • Richard to Heather on why he hired Samantha: "Given some of the outrageous ideas youíve been spewing lately, I thought she might be able to keep your feet more firmly on the planet."

  • Peter on HeatherĎs entrance: "On my, look what the cat dragged in, Scarlet OíHara, but isnít this suppose to be ĎWho Wantís To Marry A Millionaire?í"

  • Ethan: "Nice dress. What keeps it up Velcro?"
    Heather: "Theyíre called breasts."

  • Heather: "You know Richard, such an early riser"
    Gwen: "How strange. When we were married he loved sleeping in."
    Heather: "Trouble getting up?"
    Gwen: "Not at all... trouble getting sleep"

  • Stormy Heather

  • Heather to Chandler on his date with Samantha: "Just remember the entire time your with her your going to be wishing that you were with me."

  • Gwen: "Your dripping"
    Ethan: "Wonít the maid get it?"
    Gwen: "Noooo, youíre going to beat her to it"

  • Gwen: "Look Ethan Iím really glad that your staying but letís get a few things straight. This is our home not a hotel and everyone pitches in around here. Okay?"

  • Gwen to Ethan: "Iíll start treating you like an adult when you stop acting like a kid."

  • Gwen to Ethan: "Itís called tough love Ethan. I get tough, you get mad and then you realize what a wonderful person I really am."

  • David to Jenny: "I had to lose everything I cared about before I finally got sober. My job, my best friend and some things I still canít talk about."

  • Heather to Samantha on Chandler: "You mean he made it all the way to your house and changed his mind? How rude!"

  • Jenny on the fashion show: "Heatherís big night, if attendance wasnít required Iíd stay home"

  • Laurie on a missing Ethan: "Oh Jen, relax the kids in hormone hell, let him wander it off."

  • Peter to Ethan: "Let me guess, you were looking for the menís room and instead you found the babes."

  • Peter to Ethan: "Watch and learn my young protege."

  • David: "Do you mind holding this or are you just enjoying my aggravation?"
    Laurie: "Iíll do both if you donít mind."

  • Laurie to David: "Youíre a decent guy, a rarity these days."

  • Heather after being accused of going at Chandler: "Oh Peter, you dirty little boy."

  • Heather stirring the pot: "Oh silly Peter, you spend so much time asking about my life, your never going to find time to make your play for Samantha."

  • Samantha: "No, first you have to kiss me."
    Peter: "With pleasure. Goodnight Samantha"
    Samantha: "Goodnight Chandler."

  • Chandler to Heather: "Hearing the babyís heart beat that was amazing."

  • Peter to Samantha: "Youíre right. I mean it. Iím too competitive, Iím too ruthless, I donít respect my brother and Iíve got to change. I want to change."

  • Richard to Heather on having a baby: "What have we been married 3 weeks? Shouldnít we wait another day?"

  • Chandler to Heather: "Couldnít you turn on the tears, open up the old floodgates? Man, this stuff has to be second nature to you now."

  • Chandler: "All this lying and scheming has turned you into quite a little actress."
    Heather: "Really, what has it turned you into?"

  • Ethan to Gwen: "Why is it that you have to make such a big deal out of everything?"

  • Samantha: "Do you think Iím some kind of an idiot?"
    Peter: "Is that a rhetorical question?"

  • Peter to Samantha: "The fact is Iíve changed. I know itís hard to believe but itís true."

  • Heather to Peter: "Iíve been watching you scheme since we first exchanged sweaty palms."

  • Peter to Heather: "Are you sleeping your way through this entire family? ĎCause if so Iíd like to make my reservation now."

  • Frisky Business

  • Master of Ceremonies: "To Richard & Gwen Williams, due to their incredible generosity the Williams Cardiac wing is a reality"

  • Peter: "Poor thing I hope she's not upset, she's so delicate after all"

  • Ethan upon being asked to dance by Laurie: "To this Muzak no way"

  • Chandler to Heather on their future: "What are you saying... wait around till my father dies?"

  • Peter to Heather on Chandler: "You and boy wonder were having quite an imitate little moment there. Just what could you have been talking about."

  • Heather: "Silly Peter you have such an active imagination"

  • Peter: "Didn't your mommy ever read you bedtime stories? I'm the handsome Prince and your the witch step-mama about to usurp by Kingdom"
    Heather: "You know, I feel sorry for you Peter. All alone in your twisted little world of make believe."
    Peter: "I'm not alone. Not with you around. You're my raison d'etre, that's French for your going down."

  • Richard: "You have my word, cross my heart and hope to die"

  • Mark: "Marine?"
    Peter: "No, lover not a fighter."

  • David: "Nobody likes to party like the Aussies."

  • Heather: "Well, I hate to be the party pooper but I think I'm going to abandon the S.S. Fiasco before it's too late."

  • Richard to Chandler on rejoining the Navy: "I lost you once, the second time would kill me."

  • Samantha: "Are you questioning my loyalty?"
    Heather: "Your loyalty darling never, your judgment absolutely. If Peter is playing you... it might just be his way of getting to me."

  • Laurie: "So are you coming home tonight?
    Jenny: "Sure hope not. Would you go home?"
    Laurie: "I'm not good at hypothetical."

  • Gwen: "What's this David like anyway?"
    Laurie: "He's different... than the other guys Jenny has gone out with it that's what you mean."
    Gwen: "In other words you like him?"
    Laurie: "He's honest, he's smart and from what I can tell... unmarried."

  • Peter to Heather on Chandler: "He's just not as inherently evil as you and I"

  • Jenny to Ethan after taking a drink: "Just prepping for the meeting. Wish me luck."

  • Richard: "I'm sorry I screwed up are married Gwen. It was my fault & I know it and if I had it all to do over again I wouldn't."
    Gwen: "I'm sorry it's taken me so long too for forgive you."
    Richard: "Does that mean you have?"
    Gwen: "I probably did a long time ago. I was just too proud to say it."
    Richard: "You know through it all, the good & the bad... you have always been and you will always be my best friend."

  • Peter to Chandler on Heather: "Poor daddy saddle with such a slut."

  • Peter to Samantha: "I didn't takeover Heather's company so I could run it. I took it over so you could."

  • Peter to Samantha on running Dress2k: "Big decision take you time, think about it... then say yes."

  • Jenny: "Laurie did me a huge favor, she had this special night planned to go out with dad and cancelled it. Went in my place."

  • Ethan to Jenny: "Migraine, you mean a hangover?"

  • Heather to 911: "It's my husband, I think he's had a heart attack please send an ambulance now!"

  • Peter to Heather after Richard's heart attack: "On my, god what have you done?"

  • Bad Will Hunting

  • Gwen: "You killed him!"

  • Peter: "Remember short press release; be very vague"

  • Gwen: "Thank god for Laurie"

  • Peter: "Instead of checking on Heather, mother, shouldnĎt we be throwing her out of this house?"
    Gwen: "As much as I might agree with you we have to be... sensitive."

    Samantha on Richard: "He was like a father to me, I donĎt know if I ever told him that."

  • Laurie writing the press release:: "At 12:02am Richard Williams died of a previously undetected heart condition. Williams Global will continue to function with no interruption in business or services. The family asks for everyone's thoughts and prays at this difficult time."

  • Jenny: "Chin high never die, the Williams motto"

  • Ethan to Jenny: "If you ever need anyone to talk to or shoulder to cry on or whatever, IĎm here"

  • Gwen: "Thank god youíre here Jack"

  • Heather: "Richard died Peter, I know. What could be worse than that?"
    Peter: "I donĎt know? Richard not updating his will!"

  • Peter: "A cashierĎs check for one million dollars... made out to Heather Williams. All you have to do is leave town quickly, silently, with out a trace. She cometh from nothing, she returneth to nothing."

  • Jack on Richard: "He was my brother and in many ways my best friend. HeĎll be greatly missed"

  • Jenny at the funeral: "Daddy, Daddy IĎm sorry. I want you to be proud of me someday. We just... we ran out of time didnĎt we."

  • The Bishop:: "And so ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we commit Richard Williams back to the earth from which he came. Back into the arms of a living and loving god."

  • Jack: "I think Ethan likes to play the tough guy but heĎs got a real heart in there."
    Gwen: "Like someone else I know."

  • Laurie to Jenny: "You always have to be the center of attention, donĎt you? It doesnĎt matter where or whatís going on, even at our fatherís funeral"

  • Laurie to Jenny: "Where was I when he died uh? Where was I? Out with your damn boyfriend because you had a hang over. I was supposed to be with father, with daddy, with our daddy."

  • Jack: "He trusted you Chandler and IĎm going to need the same thing. I need to know that I can count on you."
    Chandler: "Always."

  • Heather to Chandler: "He died thinking you were a saint, and... and that even in his last moments he believed that he was loved by both of us. Well thatĎs not a horrible thing you know, itís... itĎs a wonderful thing. DonĎt you see, I mean, we both share in the same loss until now and now we both share in the same knowledge that he was happy and fulfilled. Now at least the baby thatĎs growing inside of me can know its real father... you"

  • Chandler to Heather: "Yes Iíll be the father of your child but you and I will never be together."

  • Heather on her clothing the day after: "Black is for yesterday, bring me something in color."

  • Tom: "By the way are we expecting the widow, the former Miss Lane, these things can get ugly you know."
    Peter: "I doubt very much will be seeing that Mrs. Williams today or any other day for that matter."

  • Jenny: "I need some time away from the pressure... the attitude"
    Laurie: "Attitude! Oh thatís right youíre the only one thatís allowed to express an opinion."
    Gwen: "Stop it you two!"
    Jenny: "I have David now mom, he understands me."

  • Heather: "Lucille a little help please... could you at least get the door"
    Lucille: "Get it yourself Madame."

  • Heather: "I always knew Richard loved me. Now IĎm certain of how much."

  • Lucille: "Oh, Mrs. Williams may I help you with you bags"
    Heather: "Iím afraid Lucille youíll be too busy packing your own."
    Lucille: "IĎm sorry?"
    Heather: "YouĎre fired Lucille, be gone by sun down and leave you uniform on the bed"

  • David to Jenny: "You capable of anything. Iíve seen it. Thatís why I love you"

  • David: "Do you love me?"
    Jenny: "With all my heart and every ounce of my soul."

  • Jack to Peter:: "Get out, take that videotape with you. I will not be a part of your subversive little plans. ItĎs a new day in this company IĎm in charge."

  • Gwen: "Iím going too completely destroy you Heather. Iím going to make you sorry for everything you ever did."
    Heather: "I donĎt think so. Actually IĎm almost certain that your not going to do anything to me at all because if anything happens to me the same thing will happen to RichardĎs child"
    Gwen: "Chandler?"
    Heather: "Actually I havenít thought of a name yet. Thatís right Gwen. Iím pregnant with Richardís child."

  • Torn Between Two Mothers

  • Peter on Heather: "Here's to sending the little snipe back to the gutter."

  • Gwen: "There'll be no fraud, no legal attack... no champagne."
    Peter: "Heather's carrying a Williams' heir?"
    Gwen: "And she stays right where she is in that house as Richard's widow"
    Peter: "But mother we can't let her get away with this."
    Gwen: "Just except it. She's won."

  • Peter to Heather: "You know when I first met you I thought, she's got a little Williams' in her. Little did I know."

  • Heather upon presenting Peter proof she's pregnant: "Read it and weep but some place else."

  • Peter to Heather: "It isn't over till the pregnant lady sings."

  • Heather: "Peter flares up occasionally, kind of like a cold sore"

  • Heather to Jack: "Listening to you, it's almost as if Richard were in the room"

  • Peter to Samantha: "I guess some people, they're just comfortable with deception"

  • Laurie: "Jenny hasn't been in for a few days, she hurt her leg jogging or something. If you ask me it's just an excuse."
    Gwen: "For what?"
    Laurie: "Oh, to spend more time with David of course."

  • Peter on Heather: "Come on Jack, she's already got the bun does she really need the whole oven?"

  • Jack to Peter: "She's carrying my brother's child and she's not going away deal with it."

  • Gwen: "If I lose my son over this I'll have no other choice than to blame you... and blame you I will Heather."

  • Jenny to David on her injury: "I went to the doctor, mild sprain. He gave me a prescription for the pain."

  • Gwen: "If there's any chance that that child is not Richard's I want to know"
    Chandler: "It's true mother. The baby Heather is carrying is dadís"
    Gwen: "I hope so."

  • Jack: "Given what's been going on around here lately, maybe it'd be a good idea if you... kept your distance from Heather."
    Chandler: "Not a problem, you have my word."
    Jack: "From you that's all I need."

  • Ethan to his French tutor: "I'm the stray dog and youíre the trainer Aunt Gwen hire to teach me not to pee on the rug."

  • Ethan on Faith: "Je t'aime beaucoup... what a babe!"

  • Peter on Richard: "He did business with his heart now he's gone."

  • Jack: "Youíre a very ambitious woman aren't you?"
    Heather: "Let's just say I know what I want."

  • Laurie to David: "Jenny was amazing to grow up with. Trouble is I don't think she has yet."

  • Jack: "... fate has me right back where I started doesn't it."
    Gwen: "Funny thing about fate. You never know where it's going to lead you."

  • Bob: "Is there anything you can't do Jack?"

  • Heather: "So Chandler are you avoiding me?"
    Chandler: "Isn't it obvious?"
    Heather: "Oh yeah! By the way you've been starring at me all night?"

  • Ethan peeping at Faith: "You are so fine, I am so busted!"

  • Samantha: "A test. My mom told me you can always truly tell what's in a man's heart by his kiss."
    Peter: "Did I pass?"
    Samantha: "Jury's still out."

  • Jack: : "Are you kissing my butt Peter?"
    Peter: ""Me? Always.""

  • Jenny on moving back home: "David was moving to fast for me."

  • Laurie: "I guess I always knew Jenny was in trouble. I just don't no how to deal with it and I'm tired of trying David."

  • Jack to Chandler: "I just put this family back together again. Don't screw it up."

  • Desperately Seeking Heather

  • Peter on meeting in the hangar: "Couldn't we have met in a more convenient location, let's say a place with indoor plumbing like the boardroom?"

  • Heather to Chandler: "You know that kiss that we shared last night? You know that was more than just a friendly thank you... it felt more like hunger to me."

  • Scott:: "Chandler about those heat shields... sorry I should have knocked" Heather: "One minute later and I would have had to charge you admission"

  • Scott on Heather: "Thing about that one is hate to see her leave, love to watch her go."

  • Jack to Heather: "From what I've seen so far you really don't do anything a little do you?"

  • Jack to Heather: "As far as being equals a little dose of reality... I run Williams Global not you."

  • Heather: "You know what they say about idle hands?"
    Jack: "Just keep'em in your pockets well all be better off."

  • Laurie on Jenny's troubles: "It was our parents divorce that really sent her over the edge I guess she felt responsible so how."

  • Faith upon beating Ethan at a video game: "I win again... don't worry though the only person who can really kick my ass is our housekeeper"

  • Faith to Ethan: "I'm into excitement, danger. You know?"

  • Peter: "Nice lines! You always did have an eye for raw talent."
    Samantha: "Are you talking about my legs or the painting."
    Peter: "Your legs of course."

  • Samantha: "What do you want now Peter?"
    Peter: "Only wondering how long my pendants will be this time?"

  • Ted: "So have you two set a date?"
    Samantha: "I believe that will be when hell freezes over."
    Peter: "We were thinking sometime this winter."

  • Peter to Heather: "Heather you might want to check you Nursery Rhymes because there's a big difference between the golden egg & the goose that layed it and the truth is if you want real power in this family you have to marry it."

  • Heather: "Hollandaise, such a guilty pleasure"

  • Heather: "Go-ahead Chandler give it a try. Do something spontaneous; out of control... why be so ridged."

  • Heather: "Why Chandler, I do believe your staring at my ass."

  • Heather to Chandler: "Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the horniest of them all?"

  • Dr. Riggs: "Let's just say I know what goes where and when."
    Heather: "I bet that you do."

  • Ethan on 'borrowing' Gwen's car: "I have a very bad feeling about this"

  • Jenny to David & Laurie: "Youíre the liars! Okay... do you think I don't know that you guys are having an affair huh?"

  • Jenny to David: "You sleep with me one night and the next you hold hands with my sister. Does that turn you on, give you a charge Davie-boy?"

  • Faith: "Oh my god that was your first kiss." Ethan: "No it wasn't. I've kissed lots of girls before." Faith: "I guess they do it differently in Ohio."

  • Ted to Peter: "Peter be glad your not getting married it is all downhill from there. Enjoy the buffet while you can."

  • Jenny: "Laurie you know you amaze me. You get everyone on your side; you hide behind your precious self righteousness when really you just want to get me the hell out of the way so you can..."
    Jack: "Jenny!"
    Jenny: "No, no I'm going to say this...so you can do my boyfriend."

  • Samantha to Peter: "You got your ticket out of jail save your confession for the police."

  • Peter to Chandler: "Would that be lust in your eyes or have you just developed a taste for the latest in Paris fashions?"

  • Peter to Heather: "Nice dress. What there is of it."

  • Peter: "Let me guess plastic surgeon?"
    Dr. Riggs: "Cardiologist."
    Peter: "Ah, a man with heart."

  • Heather: "Not to be redundant Peter but... you shut up."

  • : "Proud of yourself? You finally made me look bad."
    Samantha: "No Peter, you made an ass out of yourself without any help from me. Typical though to think the world revolves around you."

  • Ethan: "Look I'm really not in the mood to play Stealth Bomber tonight, maybe we could just stay here and watch a video?"
    Faith: "Oh goodie... and then we'll break out the Scrabble and maybe roast some marshmallows."

  • Laurie: "Youíre not in love with Jenny?
    David: "You want the truth?"
    Laurie: "Yeah."
    David: "I'm extremely attracted to you, have been since the first day on that beach."

  • Secrets & Thighs

  • Peter: "Dr. Bradley Riggs, man tan handsome in a Ralph Lauren sort of way."

  • Peter: "Itís amazing how scandalous the medical profession is now a days. Cracking chests open by day and de-blousing by night."

  • Samantha: "Iím a junior vice-president now."
    Peter: "And as such you would do well to mind which side your bank account is buttered on."

  • Samantha: "Jack ordered me to check up on you."
    Peter: "Surely you jest?"

  • Samantha: "Peter you amaze me. Youíve been lying for so long you canít recognize the truth."

  • Peter to Samantha: "Speaking of Heather, the miscarriage, tres tradgic donít you think? Oh my no one told you. God donít tell me you actually care!"

  • Jack: "Mark my words, we donít keep an eye on her... we are going to be getting a call about Jenny one-day. Itís not going to be pretty."

  • Gwen: "If I hadnít lost my first baby, we never would have adopted Chandler."

  • Gwen to Heather: "Getting down on all fours, thatís you specialty."

  • Jack: "Heather Iím sure I speak for the rest of the family when I say welcome back."
    Heather: "Thank you Jack."
    Peter: "No Jack, I think if you took a silent poll youíd find that you donít speak for the rest of the family."
    Gwen: "I agree with Peter"

  • Jack: "Peter you are so incredibly callus, the woman just lost her child. She stays!"

  • Faith to Ethan: "If danger is not a part of your repertoire star away."

  • Chandler: "The older I get the less joy there is in Mudville"

  • Peter after defending Faith to Jack: "Cut the crap honey, do you think Iím Mrs. Clever? You owe me!."

  • Peter on Faith: "The little vixen has all the makings to become the next Heather Lane."
    Samantha: "I think she reminds me more of you."

  • Peter to Samantha: "You the over-qualified will be taking orders from Heather the over-sexed ."

  • Jack: "We all like a good fight now and then donít we? It just reminds me of how wrong you all can be."

  • Jenny to Gwen: "Iím sorry I didnít turn out to be the good girl Laurie did!"

  • Laurie: "David itís over"
    David: "What?"
    Laurie: "What you and I never had itís over. Iím sorry."

  • Angels with Dirty Minds

  • Samantha: "Bitch!"
    Heather: "You looking for me?"

  • Heather: "What too... too revealing? You know I kept telling them over and over this wasnít playboy. Oh! Definitely too much boobage."

  • Heather: "Youíre a numbers cruncher Samantha, I have panache."

  • Heather to Samantha: "You can dress it up all you want but your nothing more than a tasteless hanger on."

  • Peter: "There's something about mixing business with pleasure. Definite turn on."
    Samantha: "Very naughty!"
    Peter: "Yeah well... Iím a naughty boy."

  • Jenny: "I think David's ready to move up to junior V.P., Pulseís West Coast division."

  • Jenny: "I owe you for everything great in my life David."

  • Gwen to Faith: "Iím usually a good judge of character but I was wrong about you. That should cover the last two sessions... emphasis on last."

  • Faith: "Look Mrs. Williams, I didnít mean to get you upset. I like Ethan."
    Gwen: "Yes but I love him and you will have nothing to do with him in the future or youíll suffer the consequences."

  • Heather: "My generosity amazes even me."

  • Samantha: "Get in the way of my relationship with Peter and Iíll make you regret it."

  • Jack to Gwen: "MY brother proposed to you and there was nothing I could do about it. I left for Europe two weeks later and I stayed there because I loved you."

  • Samantha: "...I make a lousy Martini."
    Peter: "Mm... A shortcoming weíll soon remedy."
    Samantha"Shaken not stirred?"
    Peter: "Always."

  • Heather to Peter on paying off Maureen: "A thousand dollars, even a gardener wouldnít star quiet for that pittance."

  • Heather: "I just love a good secret, donít you?"

  • Jack: "Are you sleeping with both of them?"
    David: "Excuse me?"
    Jack: "The sisters, my nieces. Jennyís accused you of it. Laurieís boohooing around like some broken hearted school kid and now this promotion idea."
    David: "Iím involved with Jenny, I work with Laurie."

  • Jack: "After reviewing fourth quarter numbers, I've come to another decision. Iím restoring Heather to full power of DRess2K. Samantha you remain as the number two."
    Heather: "Jack I... I mean itís very generous of you. Actually Iím shocked, but still to do this to poor Samantha. Recent tensions aside, she still has been working to the best of her capabilities."

  • Jack to Peter: "Sometimes you have to dance with the devil to trip him up."

  • Peter: "Itís like you always say Jack the bottom line is all that matters."
    Jack: "And I marvel at the way you keep lowering it."

  • Samantha to Heather: "Hereís my resignation. You can frame it, put it on the wall like a hunterís trophy."

  • David: "Iím trapped by one sister and hopelessly in love with the other."

  • Faith to Ethan: "You worry too much, when Iím around itís all good."

  • Peter: "Pleasant dreams or should I say dirty thoughts. Either way sleep badly big brother."

  • Payback's a Bitch

  • Laurie: "Thereís been an accident... 6464 Beverly drive."

  • Heather on walking in on Peter & Samantha: : "Tell you the truth it wasnít really much of a show, a little to PG for my taste. Personally I like a good hard R."

  • Gwen: "Jennyís going to be all right but she... they had to pump her stomach. She overdosed on pills and alcohol."
    Jack: "Your saying this wasnít an accident?"
    Gwen: "Who knows, but sheís obviously desperate and weíre going to have to help her."

  • Jenny to David on her accident: "I remember all of it. The light, the water... itís so vivid and this overwhelming feeling of just letting go, giving up and then... I decided not to die. I mean I actually made the decision to live, oh god oh, I didnít want to leave you."

  • Heather: "Well from the bedroom to the boardroom in less than a day. Well Miss Sanchez youíve certainly become an enterprising women."
    Samantha: "Borrowed a page from you book."

  • Gwen to Ethan: "You are grounded until you can prove to me you are capable of behaving responsibly."

  • Jack: "Being a parent makes running a company look easy."

  • Jenny: "The flowers are beautiful Laurie, in a funereal sort of way."

  • Jenny to Laurie on the accident: "I was at Pulse waiting for you and David to show up. I waited and waited. I even thought about going over to his place but I didnít. Then there was the bar with all that booze. Itís just so damn easy you know? They call it falling off the wagon; itís not right. You know when you fall off the wagon; I stepped into this like a warm shower. I shouldnít have tried to drive... stupid. I just left Pulse and came straight home."

  • Laurie: "Jen was it an accident?"
    Jenny: "Did I try to off myself? I guess that is the question isnít it?"

  • Jenny to Laurie: "Itís a good thing you came home when you did or I might have ended up buried next to daddy."

  • Jenny: "You know they say everyone has a guardian angel, I guess mine is David."

  • Peter to Samantha on Heather: "We canít just stab this woman in the back sheíll see it coming. The back is much more rewarding."

  • Peter: "Youíre incredibly sexy when youíre vengeful."
    Samantha: "Iím incredibly sexy all the time."

  • Peter to Heather on Samantha: "Hell hath no fury like a woman whose job has been stolen from under her."

  • Heather: "Paybackís a bitch."
    Peter: "She certainly is."

  • Peter to Samantha: : "I saw you heading towards Heatherís lair, what are you doing here?"

  • Peter on Heather: "Iím not afraid of that brainless breast post."

  • Jack to David: "I know all about your troubled past donít forget it."

  • Jack: "I donít threaten people David, Iím much to rich for that."

  • Jack on Jenny to David: "Iím holding you completely responsible for her well being. Now thatís a warning consider it your last."

  • Heather to Chandler: "My company is your company baby, what matters most is your success."

  • Laurie to Jenny: "David loves you... we both love you."

  • Peter to Samantha: "Nice, a Heather Williams dart board just what every young executive needs."

  • Faith: "Aunty Gwen has you doing hard time I see."
    Ethan: "Believe me if I could get out of it I would. She has me doing her crap for her day and night."

  • Faith to Ethan: "Admit it. Kissing me was worth a little hard time."

  • Laurie: "We're through David, nail in the coffin over with."

  • Laurie: "Making a pathetic spectacle of myself, works for Jenny maybe it will work for me too."

  • Jack: "I wouldnít stay in here too long. Too much heat can be bad for you."
    Heather: "So is too little."

  • Peter: "You really enjoy torturing me donít you?
    Heather: "Itís kind of like good sex, I canít ever seem to get enough."

  • Heather to Peter: "Run along now before I get really angry and make you lick my spiked heals."