Episode 998: The Night Is Still YoungSebastian headed for the kitchen to grab more drinks for everyone, all opting for sodas or water, probably in deference to the guy with a zillion vices, though no one said so out loud, no one pointed out the many ways Xavier was problematic, but thoughts of it, aggravation over it, boiled in Sebastian.
There had been so many openings in the conversation where he’d itched to say something less than polite though entirely the truth.
He’d kept his mouth shut though, so far so good.
However, the night was only half over and he was already spent. How much more self control did he have in him he wondered as he poured two colas and four waters over ice.
Sebastian’s hand was nearly on the cabinet with a bottle in the back that he hoped would take a bit of his edge off if mixed into his cola.
Behind him, he heard, “everything okay.”
He pulled his hand away from the cabinet, hoping she hadn’t seen before he’d turned around to face his wife.
“Yeah, sure, it’s okay. Did someone change their drink order?”
“You weren’t about to spike Xavier’s drink were you?”
Sebastian scrubbed both hands over his face though his heart was far more in need of a message. “You know,” he said, his voice breaking a touch. “You say you love me yet it’s really hard to believe you could love someone you think so little of. The guy is sober. I know that. I know it’s important. I know it’s probably life or death for him. I wouldn’t mess with that no matter how I feel about him personally. I wanted him to leave town, yeah, but nothing worse than that. I’m not that horrible. You should know that, you should feel that, you’re my wife.”
“I’m sorry.” She stepped forward, ran both her hands over his chest. “This whole situation, you inviting him here, it’s just so weird, it has me suspicious. I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. That isn’t you. I don’t believe that’s you.”
Except she did thirty seconds ago. “I wish you wouldn’t think the worst of me. I wish you could trust that I’m not an awful person. I get why, I get that I’ve set some precedents, still… That’s why I put this night together. I wanted to show you that I can rise above, that I’m a better person than you give me credit for. But, the truth is, it’s hard for me. I was going to spike a drink.”
His wife closed her eyes on a grimace.
“My drink. I was going to spike my drink,” he quickly added. This wasn’t the plan. He didn’t want to tell her any of this. He wanted her to believe in the happy go lucky persono he’d been trying to project for their guests. But wouldn’t his effort mean more to her if she understood exactly how challenging all of this was for him. Maybe honesty really was the best policy?
“I wasn’t going to get drunk,” he said. “I just wanted a bit of an assist to relax. It isn’t easy being around a guy who almost married my wife, who still looks at you the way he looks at you. Maybe imagine how you’d feel if roles were reversed? Anyway, I’m trying. I am trying. Does that count for anything?”