Episode 917: Talk To My“Are you hungry?” Adria asked. Her demeanor softened as they stood outside the restaurant, much of the hostility over Katherine’s late arrival to lunch had drained from her expression.
“I don’t really have an appetite at the moment, no,” Katherine admitted though she’d been looking forward to a meal with her youngest child, she knew it wouldn’t look as though she’d been looking forward to it if she sat there picking at her food. She didn’t want Addie taking it the wrong way, as an insult, as if Katherine didn’t want to be there.
“I’m sorry, Adria, this isn’t at all how I wanted this afternoon to go, would you be terribly offended if maybe we re-schedul-”
“Did you drive here?” Adria asked.
Katherine shook her head. “I took a car service. My mind was all over the place, I thought it best not to drive.”
Adria nodded. “I could drive you back to the clinic if you want. Or if you have time, maybe we could go somewhere else?”
“I’d like that.”
Adria asked Katherine about her patient as they drove. Initially, Katherine demurred. She generally internalized these things, generally found it easier to move forward if she did exactly that, moved forward, didn’t dwell on things that could not be changed. But this once, at her daughter’s urging, she indulged, she let her feelings spill forth, the frustration, the sadness, the horrible guilt you feel when you’ve gained someone’s trust only to let them down in the worst way.
“If I’d made a mistake, in some ways it would be easier, I’d feel like I’d learned something, my next patient would at least benefit. But when you do everything right and still, for some inexplicable reason, it’s not enough...”
Katherine swiped repeatedly at her very wet eyes. “This, I’m sure, is not what you had in mind when you wanted to talk to me today.” She sniffled. “What a disaster.”
“Actually,” Adria said, “it’s feeling kind of helpful. I’m sorry about your patient, but honestly, it was good to see you like this, so emotionally invested. It’s… I only really ever considered my side of you being so devoted to your job, I didn’t think about your side of it. When I walked out of the restaurant I’d dismissed the idea that you’d have any useful advice for me. Now I’m thinking maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk it through, to get your angle on things, so that’s why I drove us here.”