Episode 879: I'm Stuck“I don’t know about this,” Jesse said.
“I do.” Caroline squeezed his hand. “You need to do this.”
Her fingers on his relaxed him a little, until he remembered her boyfriend. “This means nothing,” he said, looking at their clasped hands.
He hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud until Caroline replied, “it means I’m here for you, for the operation, for whatever happens with your bio dad and your parents. You need to do this, go have the conversation with them that could save your life.”
His hand trembled in hers. He probably would have been embarrassed about that with anyone else, not with Caroline though, and he suspected that only with her would he find the courage to say, “I’m supposed to walk home with Nate when he’s done his mathletes practice, maybe if you come with, I can talk to him about it.”
“Are the boys home yet?” Bowie asked shortly after his own arrival home.
Lila shook her head. “Nate just texted. He said they’re on their way and he had fun at mathletes.”
“Good. Good. So maybe we could talk before they get home.”
“Yeah, I was hoping to do that, too.”
They sat on the sofa together. It took some time before either said anything. Lila went first. “Okay, well, I’m just, I know I’ve been saying I’m sure everything will be okay. But the truth is, I’m not sure and so I think it’s time to try and contact Xavier. I hate how this all might be for you and Jesse emotionally, but I mean-”
“I know, it could save him. Bas and I and Ava’s dad, we’ve been looking for him. I didn’t tell you sooner because I didn’t want to get your hopes up about finding him. Ava doesn’t know either, I’m pretty sure that’s about some other agenda her dad and Bas have.”
“She’ll be thrilled if she finds out they were going behind her back. She wasn’t exactly happy to only just today find out about Xavier, either. I wanted her advice about whether she thought I should talk to you about contacting him, I wasn’t ever going to do this behind your back.”
“Are you okay with me doing it behind your back?”
She kissed his cheek. “I get why you did. I’m just glad things are in motion already, we’ll find him sooner and Jesse will get better sooner.”
“I’m sorry Lilac, it’s been months and we’re nowhere near finding him, not a trace. At least not the way we’re looking for him. The only way I can think of that might work would mean putting our son in a spotlight that no good parent would want their kid to be in, but I don’t know what else we can do, we’re stuck. What if making the search public is the only way to save him?”