Episode 874: Save MeEvery fiber of Caroline’s being brightened. “There’s a match? You’re going to be okay?”
Caroline threw her arms around Jesse and hugged him tight, without giving much thought to the words he’d said after match, or that maybe hugging Jesse wasn’t something she should do anymore.
When she finally pulled back from him, tears streamed down her face. “I’m just so happy.” Her thumbs swiped at the tears on her cheeks. “This morning I was so miserable, but this is just the best news.”
Jesse’s expression didn’t seem to agree, at least not entirely. That was when Caroline remembered. He’d said if we can find him. If I want to find him. “This, you’re talking about your biological father? I forgot… Well, I mean, I didn’t forget, I know what a big deal it was for you to talk to me about that, I wouldn’t forget, it’s just that I think your dad is so much your dad… It just seems like nobody else possibly could be.”
“That’s the way I want it, I want him to be my dad, no one else.”
“What if we track this guy down, just you and me, we’ll tell him all you want from him is a donation. Maybe that’s all he’d want to give you anyway, I mean, not that anyone should want you for a son, but lots of guys don’t want the responsibility. Maybe he’s one of those guys and this can happen without any extra drama.”
“And if he isn’t one of those guys? Nate doesn’t know anything about this. I don’t know what this guy meant to my mom. And then there’s my dad...”
“You can’t do this again, Jesse, you can’t keep quiet because you think it’s protecting your family, you did this before and where did it get you? Here, maybe running out of time. Forget what I just said about you and I tracking him down, that’s just stupid, we can’t do this secretly or irresponsibly like last time. I feel so horrible about it Jesse. I know I should have spoken up.”
“I asked you not to, none of this is your fault. It’s mine.”
“So handle it differently this time, okay? Talk to your parents. They must realize this guy is a possible donor, they must be thinking about it, maybe they’re even just leaving it as a last resort for your sake, maybe they’re afraid of throwing all the emotional stuff of meeting this other guy at you when you’re already overwhelmed. But maybe, if you go to them right now and tell them you can handle it, maybe then this can be fixed and we don’t have to wait around for the last resort. Maybe you can be better now and we can all stop being afraid.”
“I don’t know, there might be another donor if we just wait, if-”
“I do know,” Caroline said. “I know how much it sucks when family gets complicated, I’m going through that right now, I’m staring at my upside down family and at your death, and I promise you, as much as the upside down stuff hurts, the possibility of you dying is a million times worse. Please, you have to do everything you can to save yourself, please, in a way you’ll be saving me, too.” The tears poured down her face and she hugged him again.