Episode 779: I Hold On“I'm so glad you're home, it's a pretty weird day when two family members go missing,” Bowie said, wrapping his arms around Lila. He slipped back a step, leaving his hands on her. “Now can you please tell me what the hell is going on? Jesse isn't telling me anything or looking me in the eye for that matter, exactly how bad was this argument? Jess is acting like I don't exist and indulging Nate as if he's the only family he has left. They're in their bedroom watching that cartoon that Jess finds seriously annoying, so I don't know what's happening here...”
“We should leave them to talk,” Sebastian announced before he pressed a kiss to Lila's cheek. “Glad you're okay.”
Avalon and Lila hugged for a lengthy time before Ava and Sebastian left, the embrace leaving Bowie even more flabbergasted. “Lilac, why did you and your frenemy just hug as if you're going off to war?”
“You're sure the boys are occupied?”
“If you listen, you can hear the cartoon from out here, no way is Nate cutting out on an opportunity to stay up past his bedtime and have a captive audience for his favorite show. And Jesse clearly isn't in a social mood, so tell me everything, that's the only way I can help fix it, right?”
The two of them sat on the sofa. The sadness in Lila's eyes made Bowie shudder, Lila wasn't really one for tears without having a really solid reason for shedding them. “Just tell me before I start thinking it's worse than whatever it is, Lila.”
“It is worse. It's the worst. I'm so sorry. I'm the worst. You would never do these things to me. You would never ask me to forgive so much, and soften.”
With tears gushing down her face, Lila told Bowie all of it, how Jesse overheard, how he's so upset with her, how she was so upset with herself, how she didn't know what to do when Katherine let the truth slip, how she'd chosen to keep it all from him and had been wracked by guilt ever since.
“Suddenly Nate got so into math,” she said in between sniffles. “And that's just not us, you know, but then, other days I'd swear I'm looking right at your smile on his face. I'm so sorry, I don't know if-”
“Nate's my son. Just like we know Jesse is mine in all the ways that matter. So don't say he isn't mine. He is. No test will ever change that.” Bowie helped mop her tears with his fingers, surprised his hands weren't trembling. He was talking a good game, inside though, inside he now harbored the same fear over Nate that he'd always held over Jesse, that someone might take the boys away from him. Not sharing the same DNA was a blow, but not nearly the blow that losing either one of them would be.