Episode 626: EverydayPaul listened vaguely as his father started in with his usual boring dinner conversation, touching on every item you would find in the business section of the newspaper. Paul knew that stuff should interest him; it was what he aimed to do with his life now that he’d finished with school and was expected by his parents to join the ranks of the real working world after Labor Day.
However, unlike his mother, ever the dutiful wife, he couldn’t feign much interest no matter how animatedly his dad spoke.
By the time Paul was three bites into the steak grilled to perfection by their personal chef, Paul’s attention had completely abandoned his father and wandered off to where it too often went - to his little girl, Hope.
He wondered how much she had changed in the time since he’d seen her. Was her hair still in those adorable short twists or maybe long enough for pigtails? Was her skin still the prettiest combination of his darker and Lucy’s lighter complexion? Was she talking and walking up a storm?
He’d never experienced a stronger curiosity for anything than he did for details of his daughter’s life. It had been months since he’d suggested to Lucy that they try visitation, so far she’d resisted and he hadn’t pressed. It was frustrating as hell to have no access to Hope, no news about her, but he had no one to blame for that other than himself. He’d made his choice. He’d thought it was the right one, but that didn’t make it easier.
"Do you think parents ever get over giving up a child for adoption?" Paul was surprised the question blurted out of him, though glad it had. He needed to talk and as as long as he didn’t say everything it would be okay. "It’s just that a friend of mine is going through some stuff, so I’m wondering…"
His father nodded as if it was reasonable for Paul to wonder, whereas his mom appeared taken aback and vehemently insisted that, "I wouldn’t have a clue how someone in that situation feels."
Paul supposed she wouldn’t. He’d had no idea how much it would hurt, how much it would tear at him until he was the one experiencing it.