Episode 558: Russian RouletteCurran loved the monotony of his life; the simple privilege of being with the woman and the child he adored, doing the everyday things with them every day, though he wasn’t satisfied, his happiness didn’t stop him from trying for more every chance he got.
"Oh, hey." His wife, Michael, smiled her beautiful smile for him as he walked through the door.
He cherished her smile. Knew its value. Knew how it was not to have her smile, to have destroyed it. He knew how lucky he was to have earned it back, for her to have given him that much, not to mention the gift of parenting alongside her, it was all much more than he deserved after the way he’d hurt her.
But repeatedly he risked it, he pushed for more. He stepped so close to her. He pressed a kiss to their baby’s warm little cheek, she gave him a drowsy smile, then he lifted his eyes to his wife, let his lips follow, brush hers.
No tongue. No groping hands. Just a brush. But dangerous. His heart thumped like mad, never knowing what he’d find when he pulled away.
Sometimes Michael would be angry, freeze him out the rest of the night, days even.
Sometimes there was so much sorrow in her eyes, as if saying I’d give anything to go back there with you, but I’m sorry, I can’t.
Sometimes, she gave him staunch indifference. That bothered him most, when she didn’t react to his kiss at all, when she went on as if it meant nothing to her, as if he meant nothing to her.
He’d expected one of the three, for months now, it had always been one of the three, still he’d persisted, he’d risked the anger or the indifference turning into The End. He could not, would not give up on a new beginning, on this moment, where he pulled his head away and her fingers brought him back, her lips brushed his in return.