Episode 449: Insatiable

"What’s wrong with me?" Sebastian demanded between panting breaths. He smacked a hand to his forehead.

"There’s nothing wrong with you," Ava, equally breath-starved, insisted, pressing her fingers into his jaw, turning him to face her.

"Yes. There is. It’s one thing for a girl to hesitate, to put on the brakes, but a guy? I want you. My body’s revving to go. And I stop. I keep stopping. With the woman I love. With the woman I’ve fantasized about for years. Something’s seriously wrong with me."

"My body’s revving too, you know, you’re not the only one frustrated and disturbed by this stopping," Ava said. "There’s something wrong with us."

"What’s that supposed to mean?" Sebastian asked, wondering if he’d ever get rid of the sick dread in the pit of his stomach when he was around her, that feeling like, okay, here it comes, the other shoe’s going to drop. Maybe if they finally had sex. But nope, he kept damn well stopping. And so did she.

"It means we have a lot of history, Sebastian. After all these years we’ve only done this once. In a car. We have a lot of failed attempts at this relationship. A lot of you disappointing me. A lot of me making you wait and see if I’d choose you. Of course, we’re gunshy."

"I’m not gunshy," he insisted.

"I know, you’re revving, trust me, I was well aware of that," she said with a sad sort of smile that brought his fingers to her cheek. "I mean we’re gunshy emotionally. We both want this so much, but with that history, it’s hard for either of us to trust that it won’t all get screwed up again, that we won’t end up hurt, that we won’t lose each other. It’s like there’s too much pressure."

There was some definite sense to that. "How do we dial down the pressure?"

"I have no idea."

Episode 450: Lonely Girl