Episode 1169: Time For ChangeLila smiled, pleased with herself. This was the person she wanted to be, organized, and more importantly, appreciative. She looked over everything spread out across her kitchen table, the stickers with days of the week on them, smiley faces and all sorts of other useful or pretty images, along with an array of gel pens, stencils, rulers, sticky notes and tabs. Name a product from the office supply store and she had it at her disposal, including a fancy peach colored leather planner.
It really was a thoughtful gift, business was booming these days and all of this stuff would be a big help to keep it everything straight. She’d reacted poorly to it on Christmas morning.
She’d been reacting poorly ever since Halloween. Touchy, she supposed. Reading too much into everything her husband said and did. It had hurt. For whatever reason she’d had trouble shaking it off the way she ordinarily had over the years. She’d broken Bowie’s heart a billion times, in the worst ways, her priorities wrong. Yet the last couple months she’d trudged around in a mood, as if she was the one entitled to play the victim.
Bowie wasn’t the cheater. Bowie wasn’t the one asking her to be okay with possibly not being a biological parent. That stuff, those colossal mistakes were strictly Lila’s less than stellar style.
She should be grateful they’d rebounded, that Bowie had found it in him to forgive her even if understandably, he couldn’t forget it. He was right to be weary of their son possibly being raked over the coals by love. She shouldn’t have taken it personally, wasted the holidays huffing and puffing like the injured party because of her wounded pride because she’d made her bed and would always have to lie in it.
She shouldn’t have jumped all over Bowie for the scars she put on him. She’d been miserable to be around and her family didn’t deserve that.
Lila opened her fancy new planner and on the first page scribbled down her intentions for the new year. Make peace with my ugly past. Stop beating yourself up over stuff Bowie swears he’s forgiven. You can’t erase what you did but you have changed and you’ll stay changed going forward. He isn’t taking swipes at you, he’s concerned for your kid. Not everything is about you. You are not the victim. You are not some criminal anymore either so stop reacting like a guilty person, lashing out. Stop pouting as if this planner gift had been an insult, like his way of saying she wasn’t worthy of something actually romantic. This planner would be a big help to her career, this was a show of support, romantic, it didn’t indicate that all her bad behavior had caught up with her, that he didn’t feel anything other than practical when he looked at her anymore.