Episode 1047: For The First TimeTansy’s school didn’t do uniforms, which yay meant personal expression was allowed, but not so yay, it meant debating what to wear for her first day.
After a couple blissful months of summer away from the tormentors it truly sucked that they wee immediately back in her head again. That she had to worry they would see her, make fun of her.
She wished she had thicker skin. She wished it didn’t matter what anyone else said.
“They’re just losers,” her cousin Molly had pointed out the other day. “I should know, I wasn’t all that different until you woke me up to what a jerk I was. They are jerks, or at least that’s the polite word for them. Don’t give them so much power, don’t let them tell you how to be. You’re cool as is, one of my favorite people, in fact.”
Tansy scoffed at the idea of her being cool, deep down though it felt kind of good to hear, especially from someone like Molly who didn’t just throw around compliments.
It was easier said than done though to let stuff roll off your back. At least it wasn’t easy for Tansy. Not at this point in her life. Maybe it never would be. Maybe she’d always be sensitive. Maybe too sensitive.
Sensitivity was an asset in her volunteer efforts though, empathy towards those in the shelters, her sensitivity helped make vulnerable people and animals feel more at ease in an uneasy situation.
It was just in the shark infested waters of school where sensitivity was like blood in the water, where for years now she’d been a magnet for bullies.
Tansy sighed as she hooked her book bag up higher on her shoulder. There wasn’t a single adult in her life who hadn’t offered to drive her to school today, but she’d insisted on walking. A car would get her there too quickly and Tansy had wanted time to steel herself as best she could for whatever lay ahead.
Maybe things would be different now. For ninth grade she had to switch to the high school. Maybe the other kids had grown up over the summer. Maybe kids she didn’t know coming from other elementary and junior high schools would be different. Maybe this year she had a shot at developing an actual friend group.
Or maybe this school would be as much of a nightmare as the one before it. Probably.
So she’d had Molly go through her clothes and choose those least likely to draw attention. She wanted to be invisible. Molly hadn’t liked hearing that, she said it scared her and very little scared her. Still, she’d picked out the blah-est hoodie and leggings in Tansy’s wardrobe. Molly said about a billion times that she didn’t approve of Tansy’s goal to just blend in at school. Tansy on the other hand, just hoped it worked.